Journeyman Project Dispatches from the Life of Patrick Fowler: Christianity Explored

8Apr/140

Dispatches from Eli’s Arrival – It’s Hard to Be the Husband Too

"The calm before the storm:

It's hard to watch your wife suffer and not be able intervene. I hate being in this room as the one she depends on for comfort...I feel like I have none that I can give. I feel guilty for eating or relaxing when Stacy can't do the same. I dislike not being able to be the one who gives, serves, and sacrifices more than her.

Sitting in the hour before the baby comes wondering if Mom and baby are going to come through this healthy...tough. Especially since I know many people who have not had mom or baby come through this in good condition

Knowing the demands that are to be made of me now--I feel so out of place, unnatural. However, these are demands God intends to use to shape me...make me a more willing, more capable leader through being a servant, and more compassionately hearted man, and more prone to respond to the need of the moment.

I am terrified.

I am ready to run.

I am afraid of the failure I know will come.

I already feel like a failure.

 

God is with me. God has brought me here. God will not abandon me. I hear the words He gave to Joshua and Gideon ringing in my present circumstances."

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

11 Then the angel of the Lord came and sat beneath the great tree at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash of the clan of Abiezer. Gideon son of Joash was threshing wheat at the bottom of a winepress to hide the grain from the Midianites. 12 The angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, “Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!” 14 Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go with the strength you have, and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!” 15 “But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” 16 The Lord said to him, “I will be with you.

Judges 6

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