There was a time in my life where the truth of Scripture seemed so simple, so clear, and so compelling, that all I wished to do was share it with others…and I did. I took each opportunity that came my way, and taught. Lesson after lesson. Notes, Power Point slides, catchy lesson titles…I did it all.
Now, a half dozen years down the road, the truth that once was so crystal clear is a kaleidoscope of one liners, verses, and life experiences that I cannot readily systematize. I have trouble consolidating my thoughts to a 20 minute presentation…and I struggle diligently to separate wisdom I have learned from the world and in the church, from straightforward Biblical truth.
This new tension is deeply frustrating. Although I hope that it leads to a deeper level of understanding and maturity as a teacher, it currently stunts my desire to teach. I feel incompetent…”permanently disorganized”.
Perhaps it is a result of being exposed to so many men who have spent their lives studying the Word, and who teach based on their lifetime’s work attaining clarity.
“Please, Lord, send me a little insight down here…”
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Hey Patrick,
I know the feeling. Isn’t that the truth? You go to seminary to learn something and all that it does is screw you up. From what I hear, the good news is that they try to help put you back together again by the time you finish.
Keep your chin up!
Walked that path before. Welcome to seminary where you’re forced to deeply examine your convictions, beliefs, assumptions, misconceptions, etc. Keep plowing. It’s rough for a time and taking some time off from teaching to delve deep and hash out the truth is not a bad thing. There are fundamentals that shouldn’t and won’t change. But going through the crucible of deep examination is a rewarding experience provide you keep at it. Just keep in mind it can take a few years.
It’s great advice and great encouragement to be in fellowship with friends with a similar understanding. I don’t know what I will do once we all split up and get out on the field.